Exhaust Vents and Intake Rants
Sunday, June 21 @ 12:54 |
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Here's a post to rant out how I feel inside;
I am tired. I am tired of how insane the deadlines for this CB project is (not cursing; literally the name code of the project); that we are still supposed to keep to ridiculous timelines with plans that are still constantly changing, meaning we only have a few days to come up with the revised proposal. Am I supposed to accept that this is how the industry is, that times are bad, and therefore I have to succumb to how things just are?
At the same time, I also recognise that my boss and director have been working very hard. If they had been slacking, it would be a different matter altogether, but because they are working hard (much harder in fact) to meet the same deadlines, I have much less to complain about.
Moreover, what is there to complain about Miss Chai? Is not complaining a grudge against the God-given circumstances?
Yesterday, Julia mentioned (albeit in a different context) that whatever gifts we receive, if we do not use them for God, God can easily take them away. This is true. Perhaps, the nice company environment that God had brought me to, I had recklessly squandered without appreciation to God, without furthering His Kingdom here, and instead have used it as an idol to turn my heart and time away from Him instead of further seeking and trusting in Him.
O weak heart, why do you put God to the test repeatedly? Why do you doubt your Creator? Why do you doubt the God who knows exactly what you need, and does not refrain Himself from giving you what you need even if it came as His expense and sacrifice?
Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.
Rant over; back to doing what I need to do. After all, I had a really really good break Friday night and yesterday, so it's time to do what needs to be done. Labels: work
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Wednesday, November 2 @ 23:17 |
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This is me, realising tonight God's mercy for a sinner whom worries a lot.
So I had a second round of interview today for a job with a landscape architecture firm. First time of interview I was stressing out and worrying that I wasn't enough. Same old story. But by God's utmost grace, He reminded me that He is entirely in control. The night before the interview, Alicia and I were both reading on Abraham and how he trusted in God more than how much he valued his son - not that he didn't care for Isaac at all, but he knew God was The faithful provider.
So I approached the interview quite calmly, and the reminder that if it was God's will for me to get it, even the worst performance couldn't deter me from it; and vice versa.
Last Thursday I had an email asking about who my design heroes were, and I replied quite late cause I was busy that night and only saw the email pretty late. Intentionally put God as my biggest design hero cause who else has more wisdom and creativity than the one who put all things into creation? Had believed that if they felt uncomfortable with me religious beliefs, then sure, maybe that's not the best place for me then.
Then I received an email on Friday requesting for me to go through a second interview today. And the last few days I've been mostly excited, a little bit afraid but in a controlled manner, knowing that hey, God is in control. God is trustable. My feelings and fears are not.
Then came the interview. Started feeling a bit unsure because it seemed as if one of the interviewers was either tired or very disinterested, and my mind was going out of structure and just spewing our whatever I could say about my Major Design. At this stage I was beginning to think "okay.. Maybe this isn't what I'm cut out for. Maybe not."
Then came the trolling. One of the directors said "actually, this isn't an interview.." And he proceeds to pull out this set of papers - a contract!
Truthfully speaking, the rest of my time was kinda like a blur. I was just overly delirious that whaaaat? Did I just get offered a landscape architectural job in Singapore...?!? With a firm like theirs?!?
As I was excitedly recounting the news to my mom, I realised how providential God was. No doubt my current job has been a huge doorstep into this firm, cause of our good working ties, and my boss who really pitched for me, a lot. And when one of the directors was telling me to manage my expectations, that the first few months would probably be more technical as they train me to use their software, and I quote "we don't actually use AutoCAD, so it might take you a while to learn how to use Vectorworks." In my mind I was screaming "!!! NO. WAY." Since I've returned to Singapore, I've been feeling rather down on how I'm surely at a disadvantage to most other graduates because I cannot work on AutoCAD as fast as they can. So I've been trying to brush up my autoCAD skills, but still, no way as proficient as others. This, this really is unexpected, that God should allow me to work in the one and only firm that uses Vectorworks in Singapore? Wow.
Then came night, when I came home and wanted to show my mom the contract... Could not find it. Frantically searched my bag, retraced my steps all the way to the last time I saw it - at the hawker centre where I had bought my dinner from. No. Nowhere to be found.
Was struggling to remind myself that this wasnt too big an issue, I could still remember my terms of contract, and I'm sure there'll be another set of documents to be signed again when we meet. It's okay.
But the more frantic I got as I walked around the neighbourhood searching for it, the more I succumbed to the temptation to not trust in God. I had walked all the way back to the hawker centre, the shop was closed by then so I just texted the lady instead, but even my sis was saying it's highly improbable that I'll find it again.
Took a while, seemingly interminable, before I could say, okay, I'll call the company tmr to inform them about my lost documents. Even then, I was still hesitating - do I really need to call them? They don't beed to know right...? But.. What would God be pleased with? An honest heart or one of cowardice? But, what if they think badly of me? But.. What does God think of me then?
Yet, even on that note, I wasn't fully happy with deciding to call them tmr morning.
Was about to take a shower, when I had received a reply from the lady! Yes, it was with her!! How providential was it that tonight when I was ordering food from her, she handed me her name card to suggest that next time I could order food from her via text and collect it after closing hours since I had actually come a few minutes after they had closed for the day!
Insane roller coaster, but one that ended up with me failing miserably - to succumb to worry and fear rather than in full unabated trust in He who proves repeatedly how faithful He is.
I type this out not because God is kind enough to help me find the contract again, but because He really is immensely gracious. If I were God, I would have let a worrywart sinner like me drown in my own sinful wilfulness - afterall, did not God just remind me how everything seemed to be in a plan, specificially, His plan? And I could still choose to not submit to Him? Yet.. In His mercy, He should allow me to not only find it, but to be reassured tonight that I have securely found it.
I type this out to remind myself, look, this job really is the Isaac to me. I wanted it badly, and God gave it to me, and when (in my drama queen fashion) thought that I might potentially lose it or start with a very bad note...God intervened, again. Can I not want to sacrifice this the next time God calls me to, because I know the true treasure lies in the God behind it and not in the job itself?
Miss chai, remember: His mercies are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness, O God.
Great is Thy faithfulness. Labels: faithfulness, work
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Exhaust Vents and Intake Rants
Sunday, June 21 @ 12:54 |
|
Here's a post to rant out how I feel inside;
I am tired. I am tired of how insane the deadlines for this CB project is (not cursing; literally the name code of the project); that we are still supposed to keep to ridiculous timelines with plans that are still constantly changing, meaning we only have a few days to come up with the revised proposal. Am I supposed to accept that this is how the industry is, that times are bad, and therefore I have to succumb to how things just are?
At the same time, I also recognise that my boss and director have been working very hard. If they had been slacking, it would be a different matter altogether, but because they are working hard (much harder in fact) to meet the same deadlines, I have much less to complain about.
Moreover, what is there to complain about Miss Chai? Is not complaining a grudge against the God-given circumstances?
Yesterday, Julia mentioned (albeit in a different context) that whatever gifts we receive, if we do not use them for God, God can easily take them away. This is true. Perhaps, the nice company environment that God had brought me to, I had recklessly squandered without appreciation to God, without furthering His Kingdom here, and instead have used it as an idol to turn my heart and time away from Him instead of further seeking and trusting in Him.
O weak heart, why do you put God to the test repeatedly? Why do you doubt your Creator? Why do you doubt the God who knows exactly what you need, and does not refrain Himself from giving you what you need even if it came as His expense and sacrifice?
Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.
Rant over; back to doing what I need to do. After all, I had a really really good break Friday night and yesterday, so it's time to do what needs to be done. Labels: work
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Wednesday, November 2 @ 23:17 |
|
This is me, realising tonight God's mercy for a sinner whom worries a lot.
So I had a second round of interview today for a job with a landscape architecture firm. First time of interview I was stressing out and worrying that I wasn't enough. Same old story. But by God's utmost grace, He reminded me that He is entirely in control. The night before the interview, Alicia and I were both reading on Abraham and how he trusted in God more than how much he valued his son - not that he didn't care for Isaac at all, but he knew God was The faithful provider.
So I approached the interview quite calmly, and the reminder that if it was God's will for me to get it, even the worst performance couldn't deter me from it; and vice versa.
Last Thursday I had an email asking about who my design heroes were, and I replied quite late cause I was busy that night and only saw the email pretty late. Intentionally put God as my biggest design hero cause who else has more wisdom and creativity than the one who put all things into creation? Had believed that if they felt uncomfortable with me religious beliefs, then sure, maybe that's not the best place for me then.
Then I received an email on Friday requesting for me to go through a second interview today. And the last few days I've been mostly excited, a little bit afraid but in a controlled manner, knowing that hey, God is in control. God is trustable. My feelings and fears are not.
Then came the interview. Started feeling a bit unsure because it seemed as if one of the interviewers was either tired or very disinterested, and my mind was going out of structure and just spewing our whatever I could say about my Major Design. At this stage I was beginning to think "okay.. Maybe this isn't what I'm cut out for. Maybe not."
Then came the trolling. One of the directors said "actually, this isn't an interview.." And he proceeds to pull out this set of papers - a contract!
Truthfully speaking, the rest of my time was kinda like a blur. I was just overly delirious that whaaaat? Did I just get offered a landscape architectural job in Singapore...?!? With a firm like theirs?!?
As I was excitedly recounting the news to my mom, I realised how providential God was. No doubt my current job has been a huge doorstep into this firm, cause of our good working ties, and my boss who really pitched for me, a lot. And when one of the directors was telling me to manage my expectations, that the first few months would probably be more technical as they train me to use their software, and I quote "we don't actually use AutoCAD, so it might take you a while to learn how to use Vectorworks." In my mind I was screaming "!!! NO. WAY." Since I've returned to Singapore, I've been feeling rather down on how I'm surely at a disadvantage to most other graduates because I cannot work on AutoCAD as fast as they can. So I've been trying to brush up my autoCAD skills, but still, no way as proficient as others. This, this really is unexpected, that God should allow me to work in the one and only firm that uses Vectorworks in Singapore? Wow.
Then came night, when I came home and wanted to show my mom the contract... Could not find it. Frantically searched my bag, retraced my steps all the way to the last time I saw it - at the hawker centre where I had bought my dinner from. No. Nowhere to be found.
Was struggling to remind myself that this wasnt too big an issue, I could still remember my terms of contract, and I'm sure there'll be another set of documents to be signed again when we meet. It's okay.
But the more frantic I got as I walked around the neighbourhood searching for it, the more I succumbed to the temptation to not trust in God. I had walked all the way back to the hawker centre, the shop was closed by then so I just texted the lady instead, but even my sis was saying it's highly improbable that I'll find it again.
Took a while, seemingly interminable, before I could say, okay, I'll call the company tmr to inform them about my lost documents. Even then, I was still hesitating - do I really need to call them? They don't beed to know right...? But.. What would God be pleased with? An honest heart or one of cowardice? But, what if they think badly of me? But.. What does God think of me then?
Yet, even on that note, I wasn't fully happy with deciding to call them tmr morning.
Was about to take a shower, when I had received a reply from the lady! Yes, it was with her!! How providential was it that tonight when I was ordering food from her, she handed me her name card to suggest that next time I could order food from her via text and collect it after closing hours since I had actually come a few minutes after they had closed for the day!
Insane roller coaster, but one that ended up with me failing miserably - to succumb to worry and fear rather than in full unabated trust in He who proves repeatedly how faithful He is.
I type this out not because God is kind enough to help me find the contract again, but because He really is immensely gracious. If I were God, I would have let a worrywart sinner like me drown in my own sinful wilfulness - afterall, did not God just remind me how everything seemed to be in a plan, specificially, His plan? And I could still choose to not submit to Him? Yet.. In His mercy, He should allow me to not only find it, but to be reassured tonight that I have securely found it.
I type this out to remind myself, look, this job really is the Isaac to me. I wanted it badly, and God gave it to me, and when (in my drama queen fashion) thought that I might potentially lose it or start with a very bad note...God intervened, again. Can I not want to sacrifice this the next time God calls me to, because I know the true treasure lies in the God behind it and not in the job itself?
Miss chai, remember: His mercies are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness, O God.
Great is Thy faithfulness. Labels: faithfulness, work
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COFFEE COFFEE CHAI CHAI
"So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12
I have always used this blog to keep track of my life. It started out as an open diary, a communication platform to connect with friends. It started out as a place to call my own in the big world wide web, a place to store my memories, which, although never change, do fade eventually. That still hasn't changed.
What has changed is my attitude. My blog is no longer just a memory storage; it is also my way of keeping track who I am/was. It is my way of reflecting, so that when I read of old posts, I can tell what I had valued, and then decide if I want to change that or not. It is a very bittersweet thing, because I do read of old scars, of people who once mattered, of joys once experienced; but it is sweet, because through it, I also see how God has been faithful to me, I also am reminded to treasure the people and things I have currently, for as the famous saying goes, "change is the only constant"... ...in this world. But the saying neglects that out of this world, out of our many spatial constraints, dwells an infinite God; a God so great, I cannot fathom and ever fully know. So that's what I hope this blog does for me. It tracks my gradual progress of getting to know this great God more and more, hopefully. Even the dullest posts of my dullest days may also shine forth His glory, in due time. And so, as my friend, as my reader, this is my way of inviting you into my life - despite the distance between us, be it measured in metres, or in the time lost in our memories. It is my invitation to you to see how God works in everything, for Himself, that I may grow in Him. And if you do believe in this same God, then please, keep me accountable with what you read too, and help me to strive to live a life worthy of our calling (Ephesians 4:1). /////////////
So, who am I? As you can tell, I am a very lengthy person, so reading my blog would either train your patience, or your ability in speed reading (you can thank me very much). I am a person who greatly delights in music, art, and nature (which I just realised when put as an acronym forms 'MAN', sheesh haha). I question and doubt my talents, but recently I'm trying to learn that using them for better purposes and constantly seeking to improve them is better than doubting them. I am also a very science-y person who decided to jump into the arts field for university, and by God's grace, am faring pretty well in it. As of now, I'm happily studying landscape architecture, in Lincoln University, NZ; and I hope that I'll eventually start my landscape architecture blog so then I can link it X here (X marks the spot!)
If you've read all that and you still don't know who I am/who this blog belongs to,
I applaud you for your patience in dealing with a stranger like me ;) I know not which name to tell you, because according to my friends, I am one of many names; but the one that I am most commonly called now, it's not too hard to figure it out from this blog ;)
Au revoir!
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YUM YUM YUM
MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
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HAVE A BIKKIE
Indeed there isn't, and so, I leave this section empty until another time!
(Papercut credits to Eileen!)
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